20 Things We Wish We Knew Before We Got Married

Looking for some practical advice heading into marriage? Here are 20 things we wish we knew before we got married.

Updated December 29, 2023

Marriage is one of those things in life that you have to experience to fully “get it.”

You can prepare, have healthy expectations, and do everything right, but until you’re married, there are just a few things you can’t be fully ready for.

Here are 20 things we wish we knew before we got married:

  1. Challenges and problems don’t go away when you get married… they usually get worse.
  2. You’ll apologize a lot. Figure out how to apologize and get good at it.
  3. Have fair fights and know how to argue.
  4. If you want a great marriage, pursue Jesus first.
  5. Family plays a bigger role in your marriage than you realize.
  6. Figure out how to reach agreement on all important decisions.
  7. Schedule date nights away from home (our premarital course has a download with 100 date ideas!)
  8. It’s important to have alone time away from your spouse.
  9. Learn your partner’s love language and get really good at speaking it.
  10. Selfishness will creep into your marriage quickly. Fight it.
  11. Your first year doesn’t have to suck.
  12. Assume the best intentions in each other.
  13. While important, sex is an extremely small part of marriage.
  14. Unmet expectations are the quickest way to conflict.
  15. Living together once you get married is fun, but also an exercise in not sweating the small stuff.
  16. Communicate frustrations and issues before they blow up, not after.
  17. Sometimes one of you will have to carry the team more than the other.
  18. Don’t ignore childhood hurts/baggage.
  19. If you build your friendship, you’ll build your marriage.
  20. Marriage is way more fun than you can imagine.

Quick update: we wrote this blog over 3 years ago... it's still more true than ever. If you're reading this far, we're in your corner and rooting for your marriage!

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