The Formula for Leading Your Marriage

When Britt and I were engaged, we attended a two-day workshop at Watermark Church in Dallas. This was two days to get serious about our marriage and to lay the foundation we’d need after the wedding. There was one part of the workshop when we split into two separate rooms (guys & girls) and talked about marital roles. As a soon-to-be-husband, I thought I had a pretty clear idea of what my role would be in our home. I’d be the leader of the home. While that’s technically true, I learned being a leader in marriage is less of a title and more of a daily action.

Here’s the formula for leading your marriage: submitting to Christ + serving my wife = leading in marriage.

Let’s break that down a bit. Now that I’m married, I can better understand how that formula plays out in real life.

Submitting to Christ

You may have heard the role of the wife is to submit to the husband. We’ll talk more about that later, but as guys, we first have the responsibility to submit to Christ. When we submit to Christ and His guidance, a couple of things happen:

  1. Our wives easier submit to our leadership knowing we’re submitted to Christ
  2. We can lead our marriage in the fullness of what God intended

Here are some ways I work to submit to Christ:

  • Read my Bible
  • Make sure we go to church
  • Tithe
  • Pray with my wife
  • Seek God in all decisions
  • Grow my personal relationship with Christ
  • Love and serve others

Serving my Wife

Marriage is built on selflessness and service. One of my primary responsibilities as a husband is to serve my wife as much as possible. Oftentimes, if we fight, it’s because I haven’t been doing a great job with this part of the formula. Here are some ways I serve my wife:

  • Make dinner
  • Do the dishes
  • Fill up her car with gas
  • Do yard work
  • Get her drinks and snacks
  • Fulfill her needs

Leading in Marriage

When the first two things are in full force, leading marriage becomes a natural response. When I’m submitted to Christ and serving my wife, it’s easy to lead… it’s also easier for my wife to submit to my leadership. I’m able to guide our family through decisions and support my wife.

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