How far is too far?

In this post, you'll find the answer to the question "how far is too far?" as you navigate purity as an engaged couple.

Let's just hit this question head-on.

First and foremost, we believe God design sex to be experienced inside of marriage. If you're reading this, chances are you do too. That said, you're also a human with a sex drive and (likely) a fiancé you're physically attracted to.See the dilemma?

Waiting until marriage to have sex was one of the most challenging things we had to do. We wanted to honor God with our bodies and our purity, but it wasn't easy! You'll probably make mistakes along the way... or you have already.

Before we share a practical guide for, "How far is too far?", we want to say this first: a lot of people are asking, “What’s okay and what’s not okay?” but that question is missing the heart of God. It's almost like asking, “Here are the rules... how far can we go without breaking them?”

Ultimately, the question should be, “Why did God create guidelines before marriage? And how can we honor God with our purity?”

Now, there's also validity to wanting to understand physical intimacy and the boundaries associated with it. The Bible isn't exactly crystal clear on this stuff. If you're asking, "How far is too far?" because you want to honor God with your purity, keep reading.

The Intimacy Scale

We have a scale from 1-7 that we share in our course. We learned a slightly different version during our premarital counseling at Watermark Church in Dallas:

  1. Hugging & holding hands
  2. Kissing
  3. Making out or kissing other parts of the body
  4. Over the clothes touching
  5. Under the clothes touching
  6. Oral sex
  7. Full intercourse
We recommend drawing the line after #2, kissing.

There are a few reasons for this, but the line between 2 & 3 seems to be the "point of no return." Meaning, you can kiss your fiancé and stop. It's a lot harder to start making out with your future spouse and press the breaks.

When you create a clear boundary with your partner, you'll be able to set yourself up for success later on.You got this! Your future married self with thank you for it.

For more questions about boundaries in other areas (like opposite gender friends, technology, in-laws, and more), download our free guide here.

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