Finding the One (Your Husband)

In this post, Britt answers the question, "How do you know when you've found 'the one?'"

Britt here. While most blogs on our site are geared toward both partners, God placed this message on my heart to write to the girls.


You’re probably wondering how you know when you’ve found “the one?”

The best piece of advice I can give you to simply ask God (Matthew 7:7).

God knows your heart and He has someone for you.

The scariest prayer I prayed when I was dating Kyler (my now husband) was, “God, if he’s not the one, close the door.” That was terrifying for me, because I almost expected the door to close.

Loving someone makes you vulnerable, but being obedient to God’s will makes you strong (Romans 8:28). I was terrified that God would close that door, but I knew deep down in my heart that I wanted what God had for me, no matter if that meant another door closing. But it didn’t.

I can promise that if you pray that prayer, and are okay with that door closing in surrender to God’s will, He will protect your heart.

Think about it like this: we cannot fail in the center of God’s will (Proverbs 3:5-6). God may bring people into your life, but that doesn’t mean that they will stay. God’s heart for you is that you will flourish and live in peace. He doesn’t want brokenness for you.

But here’s the thing, through the process of seeking God’s will, there may be red flags. Don’t ignore them. If you're dating a guy and he doesn’t respect your boundaries (sexually, emotionally, physically), he's not for you. If he doesn’t respect you, or protect your heart, he is not the one.

Next to his relationship with Jesus, he should make you his priority. A man who loves you will show you.

Take 1 Corinthians 13 for example. It says, “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.”

Is that how he loves you? If you put his name in place of the word “love” in that verse, does it make sense?

Don’t get me wrong, no one is perfect. Kyler will be the first one to admit that some of those areas are places he needs to work on, but God calls us to love each other fiercely, like He loves us.

Another way to help discern if he’s “the one” is to write down a list of non-negotiables that you need in a future spouse. For example, my number one non-negotiable trait was that my future husband had to love Jesus more than he loved me. There was no way around it. If he didn’t love Jesus and make Him his priority, he was not for me. I needed someone who could help me grow in my relationship with Jesus every day. I needed someone who would pray with me and for me, and be the spiritual leader for our household.

What are the non-negotiables you have? During the waiting process, I created a list of traits that I wanted in a man. I wanted him to be generous, kind, compassionate, smart, good with kids, tall, and of course, handsome.

I didn’t have to settle in any of these areas, and neither do you.

No one is perfect, but God knows the desires of your heart, He gave them to you! Don’t settle for someone who doesn’t respect you or treat you like the treasure you are. Pray that God will give you an overwhelming peace when “the one” comes along, and He will.

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